October 9, 2013

Coming to Grips with 10 Ways to Improve Your Dating Life

Are you single?  If so, here's the advice I wish someone would have given me.

Married?  Stop giving your single friends terrible advice.  Here are 10 Dating Tips that really work:

Dear Single Women Friends:

1.  You have not met your husband yet.  Let go of the past.

2.  You do not need to lose weight, have perfect make-up, or wear the latest fashions - but you must be willing to date yourself.  Imagine the male version of yourself – that's who you're going for.  If you wouldn't want to date your(male)self . . . consider making a change.

3.  Do not be friends with guys.  Pick a female friend to fill in as your companion until you find your husband.  If you want to go to a movie, ask her.  She'll pay for herself, which is an added bonus.

4.  Don’t compete with your friends for men. If a guy you're interested in asks your friend out, you have your answer: he doesn't like you.  Yeah! Isn't it better to know the truth!

5.  Create an imaginary boyfriend.  Just pretend he's away on business. If you have a boyfriend (even if he's imaginary), you'll feel better.

For example, my imaginary boyfriend was named Jack: a blonde Norwegian Chilean.  After his career with the US Navy Seals ended because he didn't want to work on Sunday, he settled on the simple life of ranching.  I met him when my best friend Beth's motorcycle broke down (I rode in the side car).  He took us in, and I fell in love with his gluten free baking and the fact that he hates basketball.  He loved my organization skills and my ability to quote movies. But alas, I had to go back to my teaching job, and we dated long distance. Jack never saw Jake (my real husband) coming.  He took it hard, but in the end it was best for both of us.

6.  Read He’s Just Not That Into You  Warning: there are a few swear words.  Just say'n.  Also, I do not condone pre-marital you-know-what. Please substitute the word kiss for the "s" word throughout this book. This book changed my life. So even with those caveats, I recommend it.

7.  If you're online dating, get professional pictures for your online profile: one close up of your face and one full body.  For the third picture, use a candid picture of you with friends – pick one where you're actually having fun (not just posed that way).  If you have no pictures like this, go out and create some fun moments with your friends.  Don't use selfies.

8.  Write 20 men a day using the Quick Method.  Only write men who look nerdy.  Nerdy guys make the best husbands.

9.  Avoid the Catfish – don't have an online relationship that never materializes into real life.  Invite them to call or meet as soon as you’re interested.  If he won't do it within three weeks, stop writing him.

10.  Don’t worry if you get unkind messages back from the Quick Method shotgun approach.  You’re looking for your husband, and there’s only one of him.  The unkind ones are clearly not your future husband, so they make it easy for you to find the man who is right for you.

There you go.  My gift to you.  By the way, Jack is still available if any of you would like to be set up on a blind date with him.  

2 comments:

  1. I love the advice you give and your delivery of that advice. Polly Scott is awesome!

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  2. Funny! You do not disappoint, Polly!

    ReplyDelete