Coming to Grips with The Miss America Pageant

Most of you probably fill out a championship bracket at least once a year during March . . . or do you fill it out the month before?  I don’t know because I’ve never filled out a bracket before Saturday night when I attended my first Miss America Pageant party.  Before I go any further, I have to tell you, this is the perfect girls’ night out activity.  Here’s a shout out to the bookie, Rylie.  Thanks!

Bracket completion for The Miss America Pageant was humbling.  All my education did not prepare me for this type of challenge.  My bracket-filling-out thought process went something like this: “Louisiana is shaped like a boot. I like boots. I’ll pick Miss Louisiana” or “There’s that cool picture of George Washington near the Delaware River.  I’ll pick Miss Delaware.” 

My bracket of state trivia based beauties, didn’t do well, with one exception: Miss Arizona, who I picked to honor the victims of the shooting tragedy.  She made it to the sweet fifteen based on no criteria whatsoever (as far as I could tell).  As one of the elite ten, she sang like a goddess, but was upset by a mediocre ballerina and a ventriloquist (and I am not making that up).  I, too, was upset.  By this time, I had earned the least amount of bracket points and was seeded to lose.

Regarding the Q&A, dear pageant organizers, would it damage the franchise to put the Q&A earlier in the line up?  In the time it took the pageanette to slowly walk across a stage the size of six basketball courts in high heels and a swimsuit the size of a sweat band, she could have told us her opinion about cubic zirconia.  Of which, I am a big fan. 

When the girls were whittled down to the final five, I kept trying to figure out where I had seen Miss Nebraska before.  And then it came.

I said, “Miss Nebraska looks like Matt Damon!”

That was enough to shut out my sadness for Miss Arizona.  I began hoping for Matt Damon to win because he is super hot.  This, folks, is the Cinderella story of 2011, Matt Damon crowned Miss America!

I am already preparing for next year.  I will not base my bracket on historical/geographical facts.  No, I will base it the girls’ facial structure – the girl with features most like Mark Ruffalo will be my top pick.  Go Mark!